It was a bird in a cage

cold war bunker / nantucket MA july 09





warm war bunker / nantucket MA july 09






I just had the most refreshing sleepless lay-down I've ever had. I feel so good, and new. Lesson learned: embrace your insomnia.


HELLO AGAIN, EVERYTHING

I have not felt this sad or lonely in a long time, and now I have both

somebody with god & candle @ kent box / brooklyn dec 2009






But it's been so long that I forgot how to fix it

summerhot madness

this summer's tomatoes on the fire escape august 2009



went over to cara's new apartment last night, she's got exposed brick walls and a back porch with broken down chairs. i read a psychological study years ago that stated a high correlation between cityfolks with exposed brick in their apartments and overall feelings of contentedness. but correlation aint causation.

still, though, she's got a back porch with a sky in it, places for us to all sun our bones when this place starts to thaw (and it will)

after dinner we all started watching music videos with high school party scenes, feeling happy and like we had a past, and eventually we came upon will smith and dj jazzy jeff's "summertime"

that song makes me want to wear belly shirts and hang out on stoops and on cara's new back porch with the BBQ going all smoky and arnold palmer in my glass.

i'm realizing a function of my switching from digital to film: all my summer photos are coming back now, and i can't write about anything recent anymore. i look through my boxes and get pictures of tomatoes and tan faces and beaches.

so let me tell you a little something about my winter

it's cold, it's good, it's a little nervous. someone said the theme of this year should be decadence and i agree. i want to sit with all of you in warm rooms and revel in it. drink hot drinks out of nice glasses and wear impractically fuzzy socks that you can't even put shoes over, that's what i want.

i like winter best, i'm a winter creature, i like wearing more clothes and i hate sweat. i like seeing my breath. wearing big coats makes me feel tough and eastern european, i like to think of everything in cyrillic and all us humans just crazy enough to brave it these few months. i like how awake the cold makes me feel. i like how the city smells clean this once each year. i like the dry sidewalks like we're in the tundra, in a cold desert where everything just rattles and everything is hard surfaces. cities are meant for the winter and so am I.

i even like when the cold drives people inside, like any other condition new yorkers can't handle, like any time before 8 am. the streets get desolate like morning and walking around in my two pairs of pants and hood and black jacket, boots and flannel, long johns and blanket, i'm alright.

three cheers for winter shivers &
three chills for winter cheers

one girl girl-gang

meyer hall of physics/stuyvesant street garage/phil & john wayne at the kent box, nyc




as lil' kim would say, i was gone for a minute now i'm back at the jump off. (goons in the club 'case somethin jumps off.)

so everyone who's reading this is alive which means that we all made it through the worst of the winter darkness from hell, hope you're all at your artificial sunboxes basking and smiling because it only gets better from here. maybe vampires will finally become less popular. sunsets later and sunrises sooner folks

got a mason jar in my hand, some ones in my pocket and a sandwich in my stomach and it feels good to be back, i forgot how much my gang here loved to laugh loudly in restaurants, i forgot how good it feels to walk. forgot what a luxury the subway is, running all 24 hours (even the ungodly ones) and forgot how that agency to move is. no, i'm alright, i don't need you automobile, i've got the leaky tunnel and the plastic seats and the blackened tracks from here to anywhere. and im'a go.



what it really comes down to is why not

what it really comes down to is when, and let's

don't ask me what's happening because it's happening now so let's go.